Well, shit....

Fuck, let's just pretend today never happened!

Day 3

Day 3 of no sugar was a little harder. I'm not really sure what I wanted to snack on, but I just wanted something. I think it was mostly I just wanted something to chew on. I actually feel really good without all the sugar. I feel healthier and have more energy. I did yoga today with a Jillian Micheals DVD.  Yikes, she can kick your ass! I had to make a lot of moves more RA friendly, but it can be done. I was covered in sweat with jelly legs once I got through. Thank goodness my daughter still takes a nap because by 1:00, I was dragging ass!

I keep having to remember this is not something that will change overnight. I tend to get a little less motivated when I don't see results. I think if I can just give it a month I will have more motivation. However, if I don't see some things change on the scale this week I am going to be so pissed!! Do I think about cake a lot, yes, but I still have the sight of me on jumbo screen at the game to remind me why I don't really need it. I dream of the day I will crave fruit instead of sweets.

Since I've been off of methotrexate for about a month it would be a great if the train that keeps running me over when I sleep would stop. I had forgotten what it felt like to hurt from my collar bone down, to hobble to the bathroom every morning, and have random joints swell during the day. I just want to lay on the couch all day and watch movies.....but I have a 3 year old. So the exact moment when I get comfortable she needs something and I have to get back up. It's like kids have a sixth sense about parents relaxing! RA, you suck!!!

The Camera Adds 10LBS.....

They're are two main reasons I realized my weight was OUT.OF.CONTROL! First, somehow it came up at Thanksgiving that I used to model. I usually never talk about it because it just embarrasses me, and I embarrass really easily. My wonderful MIL, bless her heart, said "I can't believe you used to model." Ok, ouch, that kinda hurt. However what came next was far worse. We took our daughter to an Auburn basketball game, so War Eagle! We were so close to leaving when the camera came into the stands and landed right on me. Holy Shit, I looked like I had eaten Thanksgiving Dinner all by myself. All three of my chins were there for all to see. I couldn't get away, I just sat there and waved like an idiot. I would love to use the excuse that the camera adds 10 pounds, but I would just be lying through my teeth. Talk about a huge blow to the self-esteem!!

Day one of operation lose weight was a success. I actually enjoyed taking control of what I put into my mouth. Even as I type I am using my allotted calories for the day on baked cheese crisps and a 100 calorie pack of chocolate cookies. Would I rather be eating a box of nerds and something chocolate, you bet your ass I would. But seeing myself on a Jumbo Tron in front of hundreds of people will keep you going!! Bring it on day 2!!

About Me.

My name is Candice. I am 28 and living in Alabama. I've had severe RA for 3 years. I was diagnosed after my daughter was born. I knew something was really wrong when I couldn't button her clothes or walk across the living room. To top it off she had awful colic, so I was never sleeping either. I can't remember what it's like to be pain free, but it could be so much worse. I choose to take that attitude because I refuse to let RA own me. I am starting this blog because there are a lot of us out there with RA and the other problem I'm dealing with.....weight gain!!! Being on more medicine then my grandma and the off and on struggle with steroids has caused me some serious problems. I gained 50lbs when I was pregnant...YIKES! I was able to get myself back down to a healthy 150, but with constant flares I have ballooned back up to a whopping 170.....UGH!! I should probably mention that I love sweets and junk food, but I was always able to control my weight. Before I got pregnant I taught BodyPump at a local gym, I was in great shape. Being in constant pain can drive a person insane, but for me it just makes me eat. I feel like it is the one thing that I can control....but I don't. I just keep shoving more and more down my throat. The gym used to be my second home, now it takes me an hour to get my hands and feet to move in the morning and again after my daughter and I take a nap in the afternoon. I take walks with her, I swim, and do Yoga but the weight just keeps going up. Along with weight gain comes a total nose dive of self confidence and a heavy dose of self loathing. No one may ever read this blog and that's fine. I'll just use it as a very public journal, but today is November 25 and I want to see how much weight I can lose by Christmas. My husband and I are going to a concert in Atlanta on February 2nd and I'd really love to see him look at me the way he used too. I can do it, I know I can, but any advice and words of encouragement would be appreciated. I am going to be using the LiveStrong app for iPhone. I've set it to help me lose 1.5lbs per week....GULP!!! Wish me luck folks!